Rules for Survival

Great Moments in Writing: Why Read Stories?

"Imagine a world where there were no stories, tales, books?  That would be terrible!  One of the greatest authors in ancient history, Homer, would just be a guy named Homer.  Heck, we wouldn't even have religions especially Christianity without the Bible.  So, why read stories? Because the world wouldn't be nearly as advanced as it is today.  Life would pretty much stink."

"Do you want a life?  Well then, you should read stories."

"Some of the reasons to read stories are to learn things, to have adventures, and because books teach lessons.  So the next time your teacher assigns a book, think of what you can get out of it instead of just pouting."

"Why do we read stories?  Don't just say because your teacher made you, because it's more than that."

"In the end the question 'Why read stories' was to inform you on things you never knew about and to also entertain you with stories you like to read, and to teach you new things like vocabulary.  I really understand the question 'why read stories' now that I wrote a whole essay on the question."

"For centuries now, people have written stories.  Just because they've been written though, doesn't mean people have to read them."

"We read stories for a few reasons.  One is to learn about things and/or learn from other people's mistakes and if we didn't do this when we read stories we would be really stupid and do very dumb things.  Another reason we read stories is to use and build our immense imagination and if this didn't occur while we read stories we wouldn't have invented many things because we wouldn't have imagined them.  Lastly, we read stories to entertain ourselves in English class because it is sometimes very boring.  You should read stories or you'll be a dumb non-educated person."

*all excerpts edited for clarity, but only as absolutely needed.  I swear.

Great Moments in Teaching History (September edition)

Questionnaire: What one thing would you change about the world?
8th grader: I'd be able to get anything I want for free! Oh, and treat cancer.


Student's Short Story: “But then it hit me. It hit me as if it were a speedy wind smacking you straight in the face. It hit me as if it were an unexpected tornado, or earthquake, or whatever metaphor you like that symbolizes my brain hatching an idea.”

(One day, on a field trip ...)
Student: Look, Ms Gettlin, I caught a fish!
me: John, put that back in the pond!
Student: But Ms Gettlin ...
me: PUT THE FISH BACK IN THE WATER.
Student: See, I didn't hurt it, it's swimming away!
(Student 2: That's not swimming, that's floating upside down.)
me: John, what was that rule about not going in the water?
Student: I didn't go in the water!
me: John ... you were holding a fish.
Student: I didn't go in the water!

me: Are your hands wet?
Student: I didn't go in the water!
me: Are your hands wet?
Student: Yeah ... oh.

TGP (teacher growth percentile)

Ways I know I have grown as a teacher since last year, example #1:

Student: How do you get your hair to do that, Ms Liles?
Last year's answer: Um, I put it into two braids, and thenI loop them on top of my head, and then secure it in place.
This year's answer: Bobby pins.

Example #2:
Student: What's the fourth stage of a plot chart?
(Exposition, Conflict Introduced, Rising Action ...)
Last year's answer: Climax.
This year's answer: Climactic Moment.

Example #3:
Student: Don't worry Ms Gettlin, I'll marry you.
Last year's response: Um ... I ... ok, well, thank you, I guess, but ... see, I um ... well, ok.
This year's response: Thank you, but that would be illegal

You know what they say: those who can ...

How they try to teach you how to teach

the Wellness list

The most important part of a compliment is the timing.

I'm not proud of anything.

I showed no growth in this last quarter. I only showed a decrease in my grade.

I wanted to improve on the Common Assessments, but I didn't.

No, my steps did not help me because I went down in grades this term.

The steps did not work because I did not use them.

I am not proud of anything this term.  I need to do more homework and try harder in class.  No growth at all - I went backwards.

I'm not proud of anything this quarter.  I was really slacking.

I am proud of my effort but I am disappointed that I got an A-. I should work even harder on ORQs and tests because I am proud of my essays and I don't understand why I went down on Achievement because I tried really hard.  I need to focus REALLY hard and I'm going to try soooo hard because I need to get a solid A.  I improved my participation but I went down on my average percentage which makes me sad and confused.  I want you to know that I will do even better to get an A.

I would like you to know you are an awesome teacher and I am privileged to have you as my teacher.  Thank you for everything.  I'll miss you up at the High School.

Quarter 3 self-evals

1. What are you proud of?

2. What do you need to focus on? What are two real steps you can take to help you make this change?

3. Is there anything else you’d like me to know?

One thing I should improve on is getting a higher grade in homework. Two actual steps that would help me focus on this is to put more effort in it, and do it more consistently. And not being lazy.

 I should focus on homework. I could start doing homework at home instead of on my bus.

 I can do homework. Stop being a lazy bum and pay attention to understand it.

My overall grade needs to go up and I’m not really proud of anything. I need to work on everything. I need to bring my grade up. I grew three inches, though.

 I did not show much growth as a student, but my shoe size went up.

I would also like you to know that since I’ve been in your class I have started reading on my own time instead of being forced to, and I didn’t do that before.

Going to a rock concert with a unicorn is dangerous. When the unicorn head-bangs and fist-pumps, get out of the way.

Apparently our lesson in formal vs. informal writing wasn't such a success.

"The third literary device in the poem is setting. In the poem “prince” this is what they said. “Start with the underwear. sit him down” … uhh ok so other than that being really awkward and out of context the setting I HOPE is in a bedroom."

(For the record, this is the poem referenced in the student's essay - so he didn't exactly have a correct read on it.)

What is poetry?

“Blah Blah I’m in love” this is what love poems would sound like if there were no literary devices. The Mood, tone, and theme, are three of the literary devices that poets will use to draw a picture in the reader’s mind. Without these, all Love poems would all be very dull.

In poetry, there are a good amount of literary terms that compare and contrast in poems. Do you think that next time you read poems you would take the time to notice some comparisons? Or maybe some things that are different? It’s not as hard as you think, just take a moment and really look at what each word means.

All poems are different. Some easy to understand some not so much. Having literary devices like metaphors, similes and personifications can make us understand poems a bit better. Sometimes it takes two or more times rereading a poem to finally understand what the poem means but with literary devices not only do they help us understand they can make a poem really creative too. You never know, Poems are really interesting things.

So next time somebody decides to read a poem, read it with them and try to point out these types of writing to educate them about the amazing world of literature.

Wait, you did WHAT? (Oh, ok.)

Earlier this year, a few students asked if we would be willing to advise a 7th/8th grade GSA during lunch.

Students at first GSA meeting: 4
2nd mtg: 5
3rd mtg: 9
4th mtg: 11
today's mtg: 13

We sent a couple of students to an anti-bullying conference this week, and today one of our students told us, "You know, kids who are gay are in the minority here, and most people look down on them. But I'm straight, and I was in the minority there, and everyone was nice about it. It's just, you know? It shouldn't be that way."

me: So, what else did you do there?
student 1: A lot of socializing, and we made some buttons.
student 2: And there was a seminar part, where we talked about bullying issues and solutions and things like that.
student 1: Yeah, and then we did pelvic thrusts.

So apparently, this conference was also their first introduction to the "Time Warp" song from Rocky Horror, but it took a minute before I figured out what they were talking about. But that's what a good GSA should be, I guess - one part activism, one part support, and one part social. And sometimes that social aspect is best served by lip syncing and synchronized line dance, you know?

Geez, indeed.

Student: Ms Gettlin, did you tell period 1 that you had a boyfriend?
Me: Yes, but it was an accident. I didn't mean to tell them.
Student: But why didn't you tell us, too? What, you didn't want me to know?
Me: Maybe I thought your class would start teasing me.
Student: Why, cause I'd be jealous? Geez, I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous? Geez. What have I got to be jealous about?

Yet another reason English teachers are not meant to be walking dictionaries.

"Ms Gettlin, will you edit the rough draft of my essay?"
Sure. Um, Drew, can you read this sentence for me?
"He learns that exorcists are impotent."
Is that what you meant to say?
"Yeah." (pause) "No."
How about exercise, instead of exorcists?
"Yeah, yeah, that's it."
Do you know what exorcists are?
"Yeah." (pause) "So, what does impotent mean?"
If you don't know, I'm not telling you.
"Why?"
It's the kind of thing you learn about in health class.
"Oh." (pause) "Ohhhhh." (pause) "Hehehe."

Wolf fish sightings: what have my students learned from this unit?

I finally - finally! - finished grading the 85 literary Night essays this week. (Just in time for the students to turn in their poetry essays on Friday.)

Anyway, I found some pretty good wolf fish in my grading. Some beautiful musings on humanity's struggle to survive in the face of tragedy, some thoughtful reflections on the nature of good and evil, some absolutely ridiculous attempts to end an essay with an A+ "make-it-matter." In no particular order, here are some of the wolf fish recently gathered:

"Being betrayed or ignored in life threatening situations is not only unsafe, but it also lowers the trust level in the relationship severely."

"Good people don’t do bad things, because if good people do bad things they became not good people."

"You are a good person, but I bet you’ve done something bad."

"Have you been scared, but made the best of it? This isn’t the same as the Holocaust, but humanity still survived during the Holocaust."

"In a sense there really are no good or bad people, because all people do good and bad things."

"Having your face torn off but not caring about the pain can prove that death is not the only way to die."

"You might feel sorry for the dead. Instead, feel sorry for those who live every day in death. Death is not the only way to die – sometimes living is worse."

"Can good people do bad things? Well I should think so."

"The road to freedom was bumpy, but nothing was bumpier than the end."

"Elie’s story proves that there is always a way out of the worst situations and always a reason to keep moving forward."

"Humanity can, and has, made it through the darkest of times and the book Night gives us hope it could do it again if necessary."

"And I would like to thank Elie for writing such a moving book. Up till now I did not even know how bad the Holocaust was."

Fair point, I guess.

Student: Hey, Ms. Gettlin, you kinda look like Tupac today.
Me: Do I, now?
Student: Yeah, cause you got the same blue bandana tied up in your hair.
Me: Oh, okay...
Student: Well, but I mean, you tucked the ends in and he didn't, so I guess you don't really look like him.

Wolf fish sightings: early March

So, it occurs to me that twelve and thirteen year-olds are, basically, wolffish. They aren't always pretty, are occasionally slimy, and often have a comparative amount of energy as any other cold-blooded bottom-dweller.

But they can also be wonderful, as when one student spontaneously moves her seat so that a shy wallflower classmate no longer has to sit alone. Or when a student stays late after class to explain to me how his philosophy is grounded on the kind of nihilism that is self-negating, thus allowing true romanticism to take hold and grow. Or when a roomful erupts into applause as the winners of our 2012 Junior Jr Iditarod are announced.

Yes, that's right - I said Iditarod. What, you thought I'd forgotten? No, no, my friends. We've left behind the bitter winter in Auschwitz for the frozen plains of Interior Alaska. Full report coming soon!

Heeeeere wolfy, wolfy, wolfy ...

Last week I found myself sitting in a Rhode Island Honey Dew donut shop at 8pm on Tuesday night. The reason for this (I was waiting for a family friend to finish fencing lessons) is less important than the lesson I learned while I was there. However, before I explain what I learned, first let me explain what lessons I did not:

1. How to get grading done at 8pm on a Tuesday night
2. How to resist eating a donut when one is in a donut shop
3. How to avoid watching an Extreme Fishing show on the Animal Planet
4. Why the Animal Planet also has a show about searching for Bigfoot
5. Why the narrator of this Extreme Fishing show was insisting upon the deadly predator-ness of that highly dangerous Amazonian river monster, the wolf fish.

Which brings me to the lesson I did learn last Tuesday night. Namely, I have forgotten about my wolf fish! I can't believe this.

Back when I was in high school I was visiting the aquarium where my father works and, wandering around the tanks, happened upon one of the vets who was working on a tank full of wolf fish. Wolf fish, in case you've never seen either one on your own or via the sensationalism of an extreme fishing show, are not pretty animals. They are, basically, eels with teeth. (This is the part where my biologist friends yell at me that a) some eels have teeth and b) there is more to the wolf fish than that overly simplistic and ignorant description.)

And that's the whole point! The vet I was talking to spent many excited minutes extolling the virtues of the wolf fish. All the things I would never have thought to notice as I was busy thinking about how gross it was. And I walked away thinking to myself that, one day when I was grown up, I wanted to find a job that I loved so much that even the wolf fish of my field could get me excited.

And here we are, entering March - the deadliest of months, a month with all 5-day weeks and no vacations, a month of mud and rain and standardized testing, a month where even the hardiest of veterans succumb to the mountains of grading, the drear of the day-to-day, and the sharp volley of emails from angry parents. (I did also learn something from the Animal Planet channel about the beauty of sensationalist hyperbole, though it all sounds much more dramatic if you read it to yourself in a narrator's pseudo-British accent.) Here we are in March, two thirds of the way through the school year. Here we are in March, the longest uninterrupted stretch of teaching I have ever completed.

Here we are, and I have lost track of my wolf fish. I haven't been looking for them, marking them, listing them. In fact, I had even forgotten that my wolf fish could exist at all.

Thank you, Animal Planet, for reminding me that it was nigh time for me to pull on my waders, jump back in, and go hunting for wolf fish again.

Addendum

As my cousin rightly points out, there are obviously worse things in the world than teaching the Holocaust, even if one is teaching it multiple times a day. Say, for example, actually experiencing it. I was thinking only in the context of the classroom when I made my comparisons. Unintentionally insensitive, but inconsiderate nonetheless. My apologies.

There is no why, children. (I'm sorry.)

Night, Elie Wiesel's autobiography of his experience at the Auschwitz concentration camp during WWII, is difficult to read. In fact, the only thing more difficult than reading it might be teaching it. And the only thing more difficult than teaching it once is teaching it 4 times a day. And perhaps the only thing more difficult than teaching Night four times each day is teaching the Holocaust to kids who have never studied it before. There's been a lot of, 'But whyyyyyyyy teacher, whyyyyyyyyyy? in my life these days.

All this is to say, I haven't wanted to think much about teaching in my off hours.

In lieu of a high-low-high, I've got a KWL for you. KWL is a standard teaching technique that activates background knowledge (K), encourages students to engage with the material by asking about what they want to know (W), and then provides a post-lesson wrap of what they've learned (L). We're not quite finished with the unit yet, but here are some sampled answers from the past few weeks that will give you a sense of what this month has been like.

K: What do I know about World War II? It involved fighting. The whole world took part. It was a sequel to World War I.

W: Why did Hitler hate the Jews so much? Why did Hitler prefer blonde hair and blue eyes? Why didn't anybody stop him from doing what he wanted to do? How was he able to do all of this? How can one person cause so many deaths?

L: Ms Gettlin, I figured out why Hitler hated the Jews. On the internet it said he was a vegetarian. So I think that's probably why he hated the Jews, right?